Team Saucony isn’t your typical sports team. It’s a league of true Originals. It’s a place to come together and play the sort of sports that don’t require cleats, pads or helmets. It’s less about the goals you score, and more about the hang.
| Team Name: | The Elders of Zion |
| Colors: | Uniforms: Black shirts with silver lettering and silver shorts with hot pink accents. |
| Mascot: | A Hasidic dude |
| Song: | Pennies from Heaven |
| Motto: | What Would Barbra Do? |
| Favorite Drink: | Gold's Borscht |
| Team Dance: | Hop-Scotch Hora |
| Not-so-Secret-Weapon: | Matzo Balls, Slip N Slide |
| Team Spiritual Advisor: | David Deutsch |
| Message to the Kids: | Jesus Saves, Moses Invests |
| Raison d'etre: | Sex, Drugs, and Gefilte Fish |
| Philosopher: | Shecky Greene |
| Favorite Sports Movie: | The Chosen |
| Team Taunt: | HTJY!!! (Had to Jew Ya!!!) |
Heeb beat Sony/BMG in an amazing come from behind thriller. Some serious “miracle of miracles” shiz went down.
Down 2 games to nuthin, Heeb decided to dance the Hora and suddenly their luck changed for the better.We’re not saying there is a god (or that said god intervenes in games of KUBB) but it’s hard not to be amazed by Heeb’s stunning victory!
That is totally how Tuesday night went. So much fun!
I guess we should start by running through the real game- Kubb was awesome! Who knew that throwing sticks at sticks in order to throw sticks at a spiky stick could be so fun? Everyone seemed to hit their stride after the first game & the end result was victory for Heeb & L’Oreal!
After that, the 50-60 of us with our new status as Kubb aficionados wandered over to Blondies to destroy some wings & light beer. The room was crazy crowded as the wings were finished and indigestion set in. Faster than a flash of lightning (and I SWEAR I am not exaggerating) tables were pushed together, empty dishes were thrown at the poor, naïve clearer guy & cups were filled up to the first line with beer.
This is where we see the teams’ true colors come out. L’Oreal initiated the games with their red- faced competitiveness and challenged the Onion. Unfortunately, even with ‘ringers’ on their side, the team lost the round to the dismay of their semi-captain who missed the whole ordeal during one, short smoke break.
More rounds were played, Heeb put up a good fight against SonyBMG who ended up playing L’Oreal, a much anticipated rematch after the Kubb loss. After that, it was getting late, the Onion team slid out quietly leaving Justin as the lone green t-shirt yet again.
Matador & Fader next week!
Long live Kubb!
We have two long anticipated games going on tomorrow that are sure to give some serious bragging rights to the winners.
The Onion vs Heeb magazine- Although we are playing Kubb it seems like a game of witty, satirical back & forth will probably take precedence between these two low- circulation publications. These two offices have met before on a dodgeball court & may see tomorrow’s game as some sort of rematch. Check out the video & possibly the best ‘dodgeball’ t- shirts of all time.
L’Oreal vs SonyBMG- Two of our largest, rowdiest & most corporate teams clash tomorrow but we aren’t interested in who is going to win Kubb. We, here, are more excited about the post- game flip cup tourneys that are bound to happen.
Stay tuned for post game recaps & pictures!!
There are plenty of chosen people on the FADER Saucony team, but apparently we missed out on the whole upstate summer camp sports circuit that so accurately trained our friends at HEEB Magazine. Biding by tested flag-capturing strategies—from hiding the flag in their pants to the ole’ captive prisoner flag handoff—Heeb out-tricked Asstricks, in an ironic turn of events.
But this was no Meatballs, and our Tripper was nowhere to be found. More like a certain conflict in a certain little area of the Middle East, this was a dirty, brutal war of land encroachment and senseless bickering. Did you know that the boundaries extended into the woods? I sure didn’t. People get hurt in the woods, people. Let’s not forget it.
In conclusion, capture the flag was a lot more fun when we were spry and innocent ten year olds without the jaded awareness of magazine editors in between smoke breaks, working on our third can of Coors Light in a brown bag.
Our efforts this summer in softball and wiffleball haven’t exactly been successful, but yesterday Heeb finally tasted victory in a game of Capture the Flag in a series of three to zero against the urban rag The Fader.
Makes sense that we would master at a game in which the basic strategy is to invade and occupy territory that arguably doesn’t belong to us. (Sound familiar?) But the dynamic duo that made the W happen was no doubt Michael Moshan (above, center), attorney-at-law, and his Long Island ringer, Mike Blitzer (right).
Between hustling our prisoners back to home territory and snagging that flag every round, those two not only get our game MVPs but redeemed an entire summer of winless shame.
