There are some smartypants teams in our San Francisco Office League. No, not you Revolver/Midheaven SLOTH!

We’re thinking those liberal know-it-mosts over at KQED and Hyphen Magazine probably played their fare share of educational video games like Number Munchers and Oregon Trail (well, the hunting part was cool at least) and to this day, likely don’t even BOTHER with spell check.

Yeah, so… we’re going to even the playing field and do an ALL PICTURE EDITION of last week’s game of KUBB (pronounced KOOOOOOOOOOOB).

For those of you who DON’T know, KUBB is an ancient Viking game, similar to lawn bowling, only much more BRUTAL.

The goal is to knock down the other team’s pins. The winning team then gets to burn down the losing team’s village.

Here goes. If you guys INSIST on narrating events, feel free to leave some illuminating comments and/or post yer own recap.

More pics (and even less words!) below:

frogs first loss came by way of flags

The team juxtaposed with team spirit

dave came to cheer us on despite the terrorist attack on his toe by the cowardly absent serf club (Revolver)

more team spirit

this one got knocked in the DOME

we lost. end.

Last night’s game was all about UNITY and hand-holding! The Revolver dudes flaked, and KQED was down by 6 team members, so we joined forces with the Hyphy Hyphenators in a seriously dangerous game of Capture the Flag.

HYPHQED vs. FROGGERS!

GOOD TIMES!

… that it would take Revolver the longest to post recaps. What do you expect with a team called THE SLOTH?

But given our name, our team’s general sloppy appearance, and how often our players have had to drop a beer and/or cigarette in order to catch the ball, I’d say we’ve been pretty impressive. Shit, we even impressed ourselves, and that’s a tall order coming from a squad of grumpy cynics.

Let’s go two & a half weeks back…. Though the KQED team looked pretty together, and they certainly appeared more athletic, but let’s just say we killed them. I pretty much lost count, so I can’t remember how bad we killed them exactly, but I don’t think there’s much argument there. The only thing we were disappointed about was getting to the bar well after the other game was done - we definitely got the short straw in the the liquor game. I can’t reallyremember a whole lot about the game but Andrew ‘Murph’ Murphy really shone brightly, both behind the bat and on the field. Perhaps it was his muscle shirt that so thoroughly distracted the KQED squad?

Catching up here… last week we played Frog Design. At game time, there was only one member of the opposing team, which gave us some time to poorly stencil the word ‘Sloth’ (in classic Crass-alike stencil font) on a handful of our shirts. Given that we waited til the rest of their team showed up, we had quite a bit more time to drink, and I’m going to chalk our (squeaker) loss up to this key factor. Generally our sloppy attire and drunken, curmudgeonly demeanor is our best asset, but this time it just didn’t pay off. I should note that Randy stepped on one guy’s foot on the other team. Maybe the Frog guy had a bit too much to drink as well, because he didn’t notice until hours later that his sock was completely saturated with blood. Ew.

In the final whiffle battle, demon frogs emerged from the darkness covered in chain mail with weapons held high. Revolver put up a noble fight, but in the end frog would dine with the gods, drinking blood from the coward opponents’ severed limbs.

A warrior stands amidst the serfs to send a message of things to come.

Revolver would cast their magic spells… only to realize frog’s immunity to such cowardice.

Teammates hold up one of their best after he is trampled by a rabid beast.

Luckily, the attack would only result in a ruined stocking…

…and a minor battle wound.

the mighty frog stands and summons any other feeble beasts to come and battle with the most powerful warriors in the land.