What do “Big Ed” Morris, George Lavender, Merv Griffin and our San Francisco office teams have in common? They’re all fans of table shuffleboard! Or, at least we hope the SF teams will still be fans after the “intense” match-up we have scheduled for tomorrow night. Come watch the teams (2008 runner-up champions Hypen Magazine, Frog Design, KQED and newcomers SF Weekly) battle it out at Doc’s Clock (2575 Mission Street between 21st and 22nd Street) starting at 7p Wednesday March 4.

It was an old-fashioned shoot-out as the sun began to set early over San Francisco’s blustery Dolores Park.  On the winner’s field, the blueshirts over at KQED were preparing to face the disheveled-but-daunting boys from Revolver/Midheaven, while over at the not-winners field, the well-staffed Hyphen Magazine team were lacing up against the notoriously nimble Frog Design.

After a brief fistfight broke out near our fields–a fight, I should mention, that resulted in stab wounds and a small contingent of police officers–the games were on, and the teams, in a last-gasp effort for glory, ran onto the field with teeth bared.  However, as the daylight faded and the park’s floodlights clicked on, the two games began to unfold in very different ways: Revolver was pummeling KQED without mercy or remorse, and by the third inning the score was nearing 20-4, while it was a dead heat between Hyphen and Frog all game long.

In the end, though, the victors were clear: Revolver, in a show of great Tecate-charged force, annihilated KQED by a margin of almost fifteen points, taking home the Golden Laurels and  showing, without doubt, that they are the supreme rulers of pretty much everything (including these games).

As the season’s winners, they also all received a generous $15 gift certificate from Insound.com for each member of the sorta-hard-working team, which rules.  Hyphen, meanwhile, won by a hair, taking the win over Frog Design by one point and securing their ass-kicking reputation for generations to come.  Congratulatory high-fives went all around, and, with that, the San Francisco S.O.S.O. League season came to an explosive, semi-bloody end, and the teams all gathered around and made their way to nearby Casanova’s, where we all proceeded to celebrate with an ungodly responsible amount of beer and pizza, all courtesy of Saucony Originals.

The End.

There are some smartypants teams in our San Francisco Office League. No, not you Revolver/Midheaven SLOTH!

We’re thinking those liberal know-it-mosts over at KQED and Hyphen Magazine probably played their fare share of educational video games like Number Munchers and Oregon Trail (well, the hunting part was cool at least) and to this day, likely don’t even BOTHER with spell check.

Yeah, so… we’re going to even the playing field and do an ALL PICTURE EDITION of last week’s game of KUBB (pronounced KOOOOOOOOOOOB).

For those of you who DON’T know, KUBB is an ancient Viking game, similar to lawn bowling, only much more BRUTAL.

The goal is to knock down the other team’s pins. The winning team then gets to burn down the losing team’s village.

Here goes. If you guys INSIST on narrating events, feel free to leave some illuminating comments and/or post yer own recap.

More pics (and even less words!) below:

We tossed and we lost, but we didn’t care — Kubb was super fun!

The Hyphen sweeties may look innocent, but their wood-tossing skills are unstoppable.

And now… two stellar Haikus from our very own Game 1 MVP, Mike:

We flung wood at wood

Elmo moons from the castle

But it’s not enough

Sharpshooter woman

She ate our kubbs for dinner

Elmo cried in beer

Once again, drunk good times were had by all!

P.S. Nick was especially excited about our NEW BAR, Cassanova, which has the classiest art collection in San Francisco.

See you at the next and LAST game of the tournament. Sad face.