This week, TOC plays UR Chicago. With our loss last week to the funny t-shirt people still fresh in our minds, we had to pull out the big guns for our TOC Ferocious Player of the Week. And by big guns, we mean big tape guns. Meet Carly Mulliken.

Carly is TOC’s office coordinator. In other words, this place falls apart when she takes a day off. She is also a big trash talker as this interview attests.

Which professional athlete do most people compare you to?
Anna Kournikova, because she’s blond and not that good at sports.

What is your secret weapon?
TOC ad sales assistant Leah Johnston, a.k.a. the Incredible Ginger. She almost fits in my pocket. (At left, actual size)

How good are your whiffle ball skills?
Pretty amazing, you should come watch.

What’s the best song to get psyched up to slaughter your opponent?
“Gonna Make You Sweat” by C&C Music Factory.

Describe your most glorious athletic achievement.
It’s a tie between going to Nationals for swimming at the age of 12 and when TOC kicks UR Chicago’s butt this week.

If your athletic life story were a book, what would be the title?
Berenstain Bears Go Out for the Team. It wasn’t really written about me, but it really sums up my “athletic life story.” It’s about teamwork, sportsmanship and really just putting your best foot forward.

What do you want to say to UR Chicago, our opponent this week?
UR going to lose. Snap!

TOC takes on UR Chicago in a whiffle ball game tomorrow night at 7pm in Humboldt Park and then again in a series of drinking games at the California Clipper at 9pm, when we prove we know more names of old man drinks than they do. If it rains, we’re hitting California Clipper at 8pm. Because we’re dedicated sporting professionals.

Each week prior to Time Out Chicago’s next game, we will feature The TOC Ferocious Player of the Week. This week’s FPOTW: Mike Novak, TOC’s associate art director. Here’s what Mike had to say vis a vis his ferocity:

Which professional athlete do most people compare you to?
Oksana Baiul; For my precision on the field/ice, my girlish figure, and our shared hate of Nancy Kerrigan.

What is your secret weapon?
Metamucil.

How good are your whiffle ball skills?
I probably have the most versatile arsenal of pitches in the league. Fan favorites include: The “Stink Ball,” the “Free Ball,” and, of course, the “Eliminator.”

What’s the best pre-game song to listen to in order to get psyched up to slaughter your opponent?
“Triple Corpse Hammerblow” by The Children of Bodom on the Hate Crew Deathroll album. I didn’t make that up. (Editor’s note: Holy crap, no he didn’t. Warning: link may be too metalically awesome for those with heart conditions.)

Describe your most glorious athletic achievement.
I once led the Buffalo Bills to an undefeated season in Tecmo Super Bowl 1993, on Nintendo.*
*Original 8-bit version. (NOTE: I also had over 2000 rushing yards with Thurman Thomas, and 40 sacks with Bruce Smith.)

If your athletic life story were a book, what would be the title?
From the Backyard to the Ballpark: The Epic Journey of one American Whiffleballer.

What do you want to say to Threadless, our opponent this week?
Thread this!

Tremble in your t-shirts, Threadless!

TOC takes on Threadless tonight at 7pm in Humboldt Park and then again at approximately 9pm when we drink them under the table at a bar TBD. Probably later there will be some arm wrestling. And then competitive hugging.