Waiting for the inevitable.

It was the last game of the summer season, and finally, we got to play kickball. Of course instead of going out in a blaze of glory, we got our asses annihilated by Venus and Mr. Design. Yes, our two season reign of terror abruptly ended in Humboldt Park last night. Considering two of our teammates had previously played on a kickball league, there really was no reason we didn’t dominate. I guess we can contribute our poor showing to a few All Stars no shows from our end…okay, we can’t make any excuses — we just sucked. Right from the beginning, our competitors took an early lead and didn’t stop ’till the finish. A couple of times they kicked the ball far into the field, which made it difficult for us to retrieve it. We basically had no strategy and quickly became overwhelmed, even when it was our turn to kick. The worse came at the end of the fourth inning when we received a triple play — bases were loaded, but in one fell swoop, all of our teammates got outs. It was a fitting end to a less than perfect game. As the waning summer sun set over the horizon in the park, we couldn’t help feel a little melancholy that yet another season was ending. At least drinks and pizza were readily available to drown our sorrows in. Here’s hoping we’ll make our comeback in the Winter League.

Last season champions

So far this season, we hadn’t been living up to our potential. We’d lost the first two games and were determined to bounce back. Last season we dominated Kubb. Twice. Trivia and SPUD might not be our thing, but throwing wooden sticks is. We paired up against leaders Venus Zine in a battle to the finish. We quickly knocked down their blocks, but when it was announced we had to knock the king over throwing a stick under our legs, things got a bit challenging. It took us a while to master the technique, but eventually we killed them. In round two, all of a sudden Venus came alive. It’s almost like they let us win the first game. One by one they knocked down all of our blocks. Victory was in the air until they had to knock down the king. There were a couple of close calls, but the king remained standing. This allowed us to make a huge comeback, catch up with them, and then knock the elusive king down. 2-0! Our game ended quicker than XRT’s and Mr. Design who could only play one game due to the difficulty of knocking down that pesky king. With just a couple of games left, we’re still very much in the tournament. Do we smell another victory?

Balls of fury.

The final tally is revealed — we win!

Champions! Notice Colin’s well placed bowling balls.

Yes it’s true, we not only won last summer’s league but also the winter league. We are that good. And we did it with a beer in our hands at all times. We might not be good at ping pong, but we’re pretty good at bowling and spelling. And trivia. Going into the final match, we were tied with XRT. The pressure was on to win it. With members dwindling, only four of us showed up (just like the first game). Later, we were joined by a fifth member who helped us cinch the title. Needless to say, we rocked bowling. Adam scored a 162 easily blasting our competitors out of the water. Each one of us got at least one strike. When we got to the alley, some drunk middle-aged guy kept remarking on our colored t-shirts. He kept calling us the red ovaries and XRT the blue ovaries. We didn’t let his crazy jeering get in the way, obviously. We stayed focused and hydrated, and before we knew it, we had won! Close game, XRT. We’re sad the league’s over for now, but we’ll definitely be back to defend our crown over summer. Can we finally play some dodgeball, please? We’d kick ass for sure.

Colin dons his lucky hat, or something.

Adam drops the ball. Literally.

Colin and Raphael play REAL hard.

Game? What game? Let’s drink.

It was a cold and soggy night. When we got word that our competitors, Threadless, had a ping pong table in their office, we knew we were toast. Some of us hadn’t played in years, let alone hours like the Threadless team. We were concerned when game time got pushed up an hour, but luckily most of our team was able to make it. The Happy Village wasn’t a very happy place for us the that night. The bar reminded us of one of those barren, off the highway dive bars allocated for drifters only — except with a really cool beer garden. The Old Style flowed as we tried to muster up our strength to what inevitably would be a huge ass kicking. Some of us just sat on the sidelines imbibing booze as we watched our teammates get destroyed both in singles and doubles matches. Well, our secret French-Canadian weapon, Raphael, won us a couple of games salvaging some of our dignity. Everyone else who went up against the mighty beast got hammered, and not the good kind of hammered. Despite our loss, fun was still had by everyone. With cheap booze, you can’t go wrong. We’re confident we can still make a comeback and emerge as champions again. Ping Pong’s a stupid game anyway. Now onto bowling!

Alan goes before the judge.

Joey strips for the love of trivia.

Victory!

We’d won the Spelling Bee by a thin margin, so we all wondered could we make it two in a row? Yes, we’re all drunks but smart drunks (who may or may not be missing those ever important brain cells). Trivia? A piece of cake. But this wasn’t your typical pub quiz. This was serious shit. Before the game started, the bar tab quickly ran out no thanks to XRT who brought their entire family and then some with them. Local “comedian” Seth Dodson hosted the event. Each team had to send up a team representative to answer quite confusing and difficult questions. Categories like Kevin Bacon wasn’t in fact about the actor but about what part of the pig bacon is made from (the belly). Before each member could answer a question, they had to participate in a physical challenge. This consisted of reciting a haiku, running toward the exit sign, and doing a handstand. The first member to successfully complete the challenge got to answer the question first. Some debate arose from our team when another team correctly answered the question about what movie would be best understood by the rest of the world. The answer was “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” One our teammates, who will remain nameless, (his name begins with a “C”) decided to protest the answer saying it was incorrect info. Needless to say, we got deducted some points. Despite the outburt, we led going into the final death match round of naming state capitals. Jesus, we should’ve paid more attention in grade school. The capitol of Montana….um, yeah. Anyway, we won! I mean, how could anyone really have doubted us? We even won with the fewest members of any team. Booyah!