Want to know more about Myopenbar.com than where to get sloshed for free in Chicago, New York, LA, Miami, San Francisco, and Honolulu? Read on, dear fans:

Myopenbar Chicago consists of professionals. Professional drinkers, of course. We’ve also been known to engage in a few sports, in between doing bicep curls with pint glasses: 

• urban golf (where we came in second place at the 1st Chicago Urban Golf Extravaganza)
• contact standup comedy (where the bar owners hit on us after our set)
• hula hooping (or as those ‘in the know’ call it when you drop it a lot, hoop dancing)
• urban shopping cart racing (where we got disqualified the first year and penalized multiple times the second)

We relish the chance to showcase our competivive natures — honed through years of kicking ass in pub quizzes and challenging traders to down Irish carbombs – into more physical endeavors. After all, when we burn off loads of calories, we can convince ourselves that the post-match drinking evens things out.

If you didn’t notice from our team photo, we have our very own cheerleader AND a real, live, highly ferocious (and possibly rabid) mascot. Chew on that, other teams!

Sure, we might only have a few genuinely athletic people on our team (here’s one them urging better playing to those out in the field):

But that’s not why we’re playing in this league. It’s because of the FREE OPEN BAR after the matches. That is where we dominate. Did any of the other teams let their dog lick beer off their face? No. Did any of the other teams fill the Saucony-provided water guns with beer and squirt it in people’s mouths? No. And do any of the other teams have bee-yoo-ti-ful titties as their not-so-secret weapon? Decidedly not.

Heaven help our rivals if we’re forced by rain to play drinking games in the bar instead of actual sports. Especially if this guy is involved. He may look innocent, but oh, the stories we can tell…