Each week prior to Time Out Chicago’s next game, we will feature The TOC Ferocious Player of the Week. This week’s FPOTW: Mike Novak, TOC’s associate art director. Here’s what Mike had to say vis a vis his ferocity:

Which professional athlete do most people compare you to?
Oksana Baiul; For my precision on the field/ice, my girlish figure, and our shared hate of Nancy Kerrigan.

What is your secret weapon?
Metamucil.

How good are your whiffle ball skills?
I probably have the most versatile arsenal of pitches in the league. Fan favorites include: The “Stink Ball,” the “Free Ball,” and, of course, the “Eliminator.”

What’s the best pre-game song to listen to in order to get psyched up to slaughter your opponent?
“Triple Corpse Hammerblow” by The Children of Bodom on the Hate Crew Deathroll album. I didn’t make that up. (Editor’s note: Holy crap, no he didn’t. Warning: link may be too metalically awesome for those with heart conditions.)

Describe your most glorious athletic achievement.
I once led the Buffalo Bills to an undefeated season in Tecmo Super Bowl 1993, on Nintendo.*
*Original 8-bit version. (NOTE: I also had over 2000 rushing yards with Thurman Thomas, and 40 sacks with Bruce Smith.)

If your athletic life story were a book, what would be the title?
From the Backyard to the Ballpark: The Epic Journey of one American Whiffleballer.

What do you want to say to Threadless, our opponent this week?
Thread this!

Tremble in your t-shirts, Threadless!

TOC takes on Threadless tonight at 7pm in Humboldt Park and then again at approximately 9pm when we drink them under the table at a bar TBD. Probably later there will be some arm wrestling. And then competitive hugging.