defeated!

Who in the what now? Team Shark Attacks fell to the undefeated Total F*cking Nightmare Storm during the Kubb matchup. We had no idea was Kubb was. All we knew was that it looked like an item that you could buy in Ikea next to the frozen Swedish meatballs.

Turns out it was less annoying than Bocce Ball and more fun than Cornhole. If Kubb is truly a Viking game, then I should of prepped by playing a good ‘ol fashioned round of Crossbows and Catapults.

Team Shark Attacks unsure of the murky water ahead

Rannell throws a mean wood.

Can you handle the flash AND the pressure, mr. photographer? CAN YOU?!?!?!?

Clayton makes a big play. Lizelle is the only one somewhat interested.

If I’ve learned anything from Lost, it is to throw together or die alone.

We hesitate to use words like “dominate,” “slaughter,” and phrases like “wiped the floor with them,” but that’s what we’ve done the past two games on our inevitable domination of the tournament. Kind of like Julius Caesar’s ending the Republic, or the barbarians’ takeover of Rome, if you will. (See. You just learned something.)

First up, there was Whiffleball against the hapless WXRT:  

How can you compete against a 5′0 superstar like Garin?

Josh, Adam, Joey and Garin watch in awe…

…as Alan hits it out of the field:

Then Max scores a home run:

And gets a genuine man-hug from Joey in celebration. Look closely; this is not often documented on camera:

But the real success of the night was at the California Clipper:

[L->R: Theresa, Josh, Max, Hollis, Adam, Joey, Garin, Alan, Matt]

We managed to — quelle suprise! — out-drink everyone else. What a way to start a work week.

[View all the photos here.]

Next, we maimed UR Chicago during Capture The Flag. Literally.

Hollis runs at the speed of light:

Theresa attempts to get someone out by kicking them (unsuccessfully):

But no matter. Not only did we win, we discovered the open bar tab covers everything — including shots for [clockwise from left] Hollis, Adam, Garin, Theresa, Joey, Brian and Max:

And that sometimes, wonderful people even get us pizza to go with our drinks:

[View all the photos here.]

Not only did we blow through our own allotment of money for the open bar, we also used up the rest of UR Chicago’s tab. What – they’re not professional drinkers?

So we continue the push to defeat all the other teams and secure ultimate victory (and an open bar) for ourselves. In the meantime, if you’re reading this in Miami, NYC, Los Angeles, Honolulu, or San Francisco, go treat yourself to a free drink tonight. It’s on us.

Who knew Capture the Flag would be so hard? myopenbar.com had some fierce runners! Le sigh. The first lost is always the harshest. We have proof.

ooooooooo.

aaaaaaaa.

ssssssssss.

Oh well. At least there was ice cream.

Alright, team. Take a knee.

What was that out there?

Seriously…What. The. Hell. Was. That?

Oh, no no no, you guys were great. I’m talking about the weather. It got dark, drizzled a little, then turned, well, gray. Like a color film that all of a sudden became black and white. It hurt my eyes just trying to keep my eye on the ball. And it hurt when the rain drops hit me in the eye(s).

But even though there was a definite lack of heart this week at the game itself (and again, by heart I mean drinking), you never ceased to impress me. Eva with her attempted catching; Amy with her actual catching; Dugan with his crafty pitching; Scott with his pants-on-fire base-running and accusations of cheating. It was a cacophony of beautiful yelling and ball tossing - much like my nights in college - and I couldn’t get enough.

Yes, our opponents made some questionable calls, but don’t let them make you question yourselves. Be stronger than their juvenile taunts, blind-sided base umpiring and run adding/subtracting whims. Though I only remember scoring twice, so that third run, tallied by our unwavering Saucony judge, must have been a pity point.

More importantly, I’d like to talk about the real victory at California Clipper afterwards. My heart swelled with pride when I saw that four members of our team stayed until the bitter end, while only one UR Chicago player did. You can’t cheat in that game. Because then you end up sober. And sobriety, as we all know, is for losers.

That’s dedication. And it’s the kind of dedication that will result in our very first win when we play capture the flag in a couple weeks. W00t, my friends.

W00t.

Oh. What’s that?

“What do you want to say to UR Chicago, our opponent this week?
UR going to lose. Snap!”
- Carly Mulliken, Time Out Chicago

I only have one response to that.

The UR Chicago Shark Attacks defeated Time Out Chicago’s the Biting Wit 6 to 2. Even though we are not sure were that 2nd run came from. We think it came from the confusion of whether or not it was going to storm and the constant fear of being struck by lightning. Let’s recap.

Clayton took center stage, filling in for Matt as our pitcher. He’s so famous.

Brian gives me his game face for his whiffleball debut. Although he dropped a couple of easy ones, we still love him. He made up for it after he brought his dog Billie into the office.

Sports!

On that note, if you are going to stand in the way of 2nd base, you better be prepared to get run over. Oh snap!

“I’m not here to make friends. I’m here to win.”