Team Saucony isn’t your typical sports team. It’s a league of true Originals. It’s a place to come together and play the sort of sports that don’t require cleats, pads or helmets. It’s less about the goals you score, and more about the hang.
This summer we’re sponsoring local offices to compete in obscure sports that don’t require too much lateral movement. Think 4-Square, kickball, shuffleboard. We’ll hook each team up with plenty of Saucony gear and document their triumphs and tribulations on our website. [read more]
Last Wednesday, we mighty Hot Dogs predictably continued our winning streak, making us the only undefeated team in the league, and therefore honorary masters of Seattle media, for another fortnight at least.
After leaving the supposedly ‘cool’ folk of KEXP as so much smoldering hipster rubble, we set our sights on the green menace of Frog Design, asking ourselves only two questions: what the hell does Frog Design do and how can we destroy them? It turns out the answer to the second question was Frog Design itself, as their game was plagued with countless fielding errors, whereas the Hot Dog defense (which sounds like an obscure chess tactic, but isn’t) remained nearly impregnable, only allowing 4 runs, more out of mercy than anything else, to the 23 runs we Bumbershoot warriors claimed.
With our fearless leader Michele absent from the sidelines, the Hot Dogs could have crumbled (or fallen out of their buns, as it were), but we instead rallied behind our flaxen-haired ringer Mike, batting a thousand for the day and laying a swath of yellow domination in his path. We remaining Hot Dogs were only too eager to follow. And that path led to victory my friends, sweet victory.
Our mighty team watched the green-shirted opponents imbibing on conciliatory libations at The Hurricane after the game, becoming drunker and drunker on liquor, instead of the grand glory we were swathed in for the night. We then could only feel sorry for the next team that might cross our path. We are coming for you, Seattle Weekly. And we show no mercy.
Oh, no no no, you guys were great. I’m talking about the weather. It got dark, drizzled a little, then turned, well, gray. Like a color film that all of a sudden became black and white. It hurt my eyes just trying to keep my eye on the ball. And it hurt when the rain drops hit me in the eye(s).
But even though there was a definite lack of heart this week at the game itself (and again, by heart I mean drinking), you never ceased to impress me. Eva with her attempted catching; Amy with her actual catching; Dugan with his crafty pitching; Scott with his pants-on-fire base-running and accusations of cheating. It was a cacophony of beautiful yelling and ball tossing - much like my nights in college - and I couldn’t get enough.
Yes, our opponents made some questionable calls, but don’t let them make you question yourselves. Be stronger than their juvenile taunts, blind-sided base umpiring and run adding/subtracting whims. Though I only remember scoring twice, so that third run, tallied by our unwavering Saucony judge, must have been a pity point.
More importantly, I’d like to talk about the real victory at California Clipper afterwards. My heart swelled with pride when I saw that four members of our team stayed until the bitter end, while only one UR Chicago player did. You can’t cheat in that game. Because then you end up sober. And sobriety, as we all know, is for losers.
That’s dedication. And it’s the kind of dedication that will result in our very first win when we play capture the flag in a couple weeks. W00t, my friends.
“What do you want to say to UR Chicago, our opponent this week?
UR going to lose. Snap!”
- Carly Mulliken, Time Out Chicago
I only have one response to that.
The UR Chicago Shark Attacks defeated Time Out Chicago’s the Biting Wit 6 to 2. Even though we are not sure were that 2nd run came from. We think it came from the confusion of whether or not it was going to storm and the constant fear of being struck by lightning. Let’s recap.
Clayton took center stage, filling in for Matt as our pitcher. He’s so famous.
Brian gives me his game face for his whiffleball debut. Although he dropped a couple of easy ones, we still love him. He made up for it after he brought his dog Billie into the office.
Sports!
On that note, if you are going to stand in the way of 2nd base, you better be prepared to get run over. Oh snap!
This week, TOC plays UR Chicago. With our loss last week to the funny t-shirt people still fresh in our minds, we had to pull out the big guns for our TOC Ferocious Player of the Week. And by big guns, we mean big tape guns. Meet Carly Mulliken.
Carly is TOC’s office coordinator. In other words, this place falls apart when she takes a day off. She is also a big trash talker as this interview attests.
Which professional athlete do most people compare you to?
Anna Kournikova, because she’s blond and not that good at sports.
What is your secret weapon? TOC ad sales assistant Leah Johnston, a.k.a. the Incredible Ginger. She almost fits in my pocket. (At left, actual size)
How good are your whiffle ball skills?
Pretty amazing, you should come watch.
What’s the best song to get psyched up to slaughter your opponent?
“Gonna Make You Sweat” by C&C Music Factory.
Describe your most glorious athletic achievement.
It’s a tie between going to Nationals for swimming at the age of 12 and when TOC kicks UR Chicago’s butt this week.
If your athletic life story were a book, what would be the title? Berenstain Bears Go Out for the Team. It wasn’t really written about me, but it really sums up my “athletic life story.” It’s about teamwork, sportsmanship and really just putting your best foot forward.
What do you want to say to UR Chicago, our opponent this week?
UR going to lose. Snap!
TOC takes on UR Chicago in a whiffle ball game tomorrow night at 7pm in Humboldt Park and then again in a series of drinking games at the California Clipper at 9pm, when we prove we know more names of old man drinks than they do. If it rains, we’re hitting California Clipper at 8pm. Because we’re dedicated sporting professionals.
Just like my mommy told me. We’re all winners in the end. In our first game against Chicago’s Finest (WXRT), we tied 1-1. I’ll have to say, the Shark Attacks had some very stylish plays out on the field. There was diving, rolling into home and one-handed catches that almost made us look like we knew what we were doing.
After bragging about how he pitched a perfect game back in his high school days, Matt actually knew how to pitch. To most of us, we didn’t know he owned a single athletic bone in his body. After striking out twice, he finally gets on base and ultimately loses a Saucony as he tucked and rolled into home to make our one and only run.
Peer pressure won when Ari was forced to wear his fabulous socks in order to be accepted as a true member of the Shark Attacks. I think it improved his performance out on the field. He might have had the most hits and plays out of everybody. Good job, old man.
Joe tries to indimidate the other team with his impression of a shark. Watch out.
Despite a sprained ankle from a night crossed with champagne and the Electric Slide, Lizz showed no sign of weakness as she made a killer play snatching a line drive just as she turned away from Teddy, who was pleading for her attention.
And last but not least, my victory jump.
Thanks whiffle ball. You sure know how to show us sharks how to have a good time.
Team Saucony isn’t your typical sports team. It’s a league of true Originals. It’s a place to come together and play the sort of sports that don’t require cleats, pads or helmets. It’s less about the goals you score, and more about the hang.
Alright, team. Take a knee.
